Let's talk about self-care and why it's so important.
I am a mom. I am an addict. Being a mother just by itself means I have about a 0% chance of having 5 minutes to myself. Now I don't resent the fact that I'm a mother and don't get a lot of time to focus on myself. But I sometimes have to remember that I was a person that had hobbies and needs before I had my daughter. But now I don't have the time to do those things or meet my needs because I'm meeting my daughter's needs. Using all of my energy and focus to make sure she's learning and having fun. And the obvious of having a clean butt and food in her belly. But an ugly truth of parenthood is that we no longer matter.
So here is where being an addict comes into play. I need to practice self-care or else I'm at risk for a relapse. If I relapse Melody's needs don't get taken care of. She doesn't have fun with her mom. She doesn't have fresh diapers. She doesn't have new clothes or shoes. She doesn't have the beloved French fries that she uses as a shovel for ketchup. What she gets is a drugged-out mother that can't take care of her.
So I have to do this delicate balancing act on a very fine line between needing to do self-care and being a mother. My definition of self-care is any activity that gives you some sense of upkeep. Whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual.
My own personal self-care routine is:
Physical-
Do my eyebrows
Face mask
Paint my nails
Exfoliate, shave, and moisturize the whole kit and kaboodle
Dye my hair
Scrapbook
Take and edit photos
Try a new recipe
Emotional -
Speak with my therapist
Write
Music
Sit by water
Take my meds
Check-in with friends
Enjoy silence
Go for a walk
Indulge my addict brain and buy something frivolous
Get into a new tv show
Be in nature
Reading
Spiritual -
Do a tarot spread
Cleanse my stone collection of bad energy
Try to meditate (key word try)
Indulge in a deep conversation with someone I care about
Check-in with friends' emotional wellbeing
I have to keep all of these things a priority and do at least one every day. I get burnt out and feel stretched thin if I don't. But it's hard. Especially the fact that I want to help Melody meet her needs. I want to play with her and learn with her. I want to have tickle fights and cuddles, get smacked, and have elbows in my fleshier body parts. It's just so difficult knowing I also have to be selfish and take time for myself away from Mel. It makes me feel like a bad parent. But I have to remind myself that I was a person before Melody and even though now as a mother I no longer matter in the grand scheme of things, I'm still going to be a person after she isn't under my roof anymore. And I have to be mentally stable to make it there.
I have to be selfish and make sure my needs are being met too. But only after making Mel giggle and give in to her incessant need for French fry-flavored ketchup.
So my advice is to experiment. Find what gives you that sense of taking care of yourself and make time for it. It will do nothing except help you.
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