For some people, a part of recovery means making amends. The only person (besides myself) that I need to make amends with is a man that stood by me when I was at my lowest. And was there when I started my long road of recovery.
So here goes.
Jon, I was a gigantic piece of shit to you when I started my addict phase. You were there when I entered into a relationship with a man that was my destruction. You saw me turn into a person I am still ashamed to say I was. He made me let go of everyone I had, but I refused to allow you to become a casualty of an insecure drug addict narcissist. But you were always there. You were my only tie to reality. My days consisted of fiending, and not leaving the basement. The only times I ever changed out of my pajamas is when we would hang out.
One thing I know I took for granted was that you were always just 1 call away. Whenever I needed to get away from him and reenter reality, you were there to bring me back to the surface.
The time that jumps out to me the most is when I found out he cheated. I called you on a borrowed phone mid-panic attack and said I can't be alone right now. You were at the door in 30 minutes. Then a couple of weeks later when I had nowhere to go, you let me stay with you and asked your friends if I could crash on their couch. Then when I finally did find a place you were right next to me as I cried about having my own keys (which you still don't let me live down). You even endured George crying while moving once again.
But what I don't think you really understand is that I'm not joking even a little bit when I say I would be dead without you. If you weren't the type of person you are at just that time of my life, I don't know how I would have made it out alive.
You planted the nugget of me getting clean. You were that first domino.
I'm so sorry I put you through all of that. I still beat myself up over offering you some fucking heroin. Allowing him to abuse you too. Doing hard drugs in front of you. Treating you like absolute shit, so much less than you deserve. And yet you still stood by me and were my lifeboat.
But I'm so grateful that I can still call you my friend and you get to see me finally do good. You get to see me celebrate 3 years of sobriety. You're my daughter's Godfather. You were there for every step of me climbing my way back up from hell.
I can't stress it enough. I would not be where I am if it wasn't for you.
I am so glad I met you. And I'm beyond grateful to have you and your (actually my) beautiful girlfriend (who supports and celebrates me just as much as you do) in me and Melody's life.
I'm so sorry I was a piece of shit and that I can be kind of a cunt sometimes. But I promise you I love you, and now that I'm sober, you're never getting rid of me. As much as I annoy you and make fun of your dad jokes.
Okay, this is enough emotions for one day. You know how I'm not good with the touchy-feely stuff.
Okay love you bye Come hang out, we miss you.
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